just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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