You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
