He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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