Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
