I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
