I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
