dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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