Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
