Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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