vagina is talking i cant
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
