How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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