It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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