I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
