I CAN MOONWALK!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
