Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
