They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
