Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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