these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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