you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
