Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
