Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
