you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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