Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
