I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
