3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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