My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
