maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
