Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
