The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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