ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
