One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
