Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
