someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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