if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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