I just cut my nipple shaving
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
