i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
