Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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