wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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