I seem to have left my pride at pride
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
