She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
