The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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