she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
