do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
