The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just invented taco cereal.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
