Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
