a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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