So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
