I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
