So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just blew my weed a kiss
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
