Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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