Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
