there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
