Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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