He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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