ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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